Hopeless Romantic

I am what I am. I want to meet someone and spend the rest of my life with that person. I’ve never felt the need to explore myself, I’ve done that for 18 years. I don’t want to date multiple people and have one night hookups. I want a lifelong hookup.

People judge me for wanting something serious so young. You’re so young you should be having fun! But what is more fun than spending time with someone who will be by your side forever? You can still have fun and be monogamous.

I wish everyone was like me, it would make things so simple. I fear of being left behind by someone I love because they want to explore and don’t want to settle down. I know I sound crazy, but I want that life long romance they talk about in the movies.

Life is short, and if my true love is out there, I want to be spending every moment with them from the beginning to the end. Whether I meet them tomorrow, in 5 years, or already know them, I’ll be waiting. A hopeless romantic is who I am, and someone I will continue to be.

I’m back

I’ve sort of just been neglecting blogging, and I feel bad. I started this blog to get over something and now that I’m over it I’ve found myself sort of uninspired and confused on what to talk about.

I’m going to try and do one blog post everyday. Whether it just been a recap of my day, or a common theme from that day, I’m going to write about it. So are you in or are you out? Follow me if you’re down 🙂

Winter in California

Yeah I know, I know, California isn’t the only hot place on this earth, but for the sake of this post I’m going to act like it is.

Only in California do you wake up in the middle of November to sweat on your face and the sun beating down on you through the window. You ask yourself why? Why can’t I be cold for once. It’s supposed to get colder during winter!

Finally the day comes. It’s cold! Finally I can wear my cute fall clothes and cover up any body issues I have. You can finally take a deep breath of cold fresh heavily polluted air and start your day. It’s exciting to have wind.

It’s so cold! Why did I wear shorts? Please let the sun come out! I can’t wait for summer to come back so I can be free again. And repeat.

(Can you all tell me what you think because it’s sort of a horrible blog post and I’m dying at it lol)

Dreams

Dreams can be amazing. Dreams can be awakening. Dreams can be sad. Dreams can be nightmares.

How can a dream be a nightmare? It’s simple. The dream itself is amazing. You’re happy, things are going great, that one special person pops in and you feel like everything in the world is perfect. Everything is going your way, everything is how you want it.

However, that dream becomes a nightmare when you wake up. That special person? No longer in your life. Things aren’t how you want them, and all that dream did was remind you of things you didn’t want to think about. Remind you about the things you want, but can’t have.

You think you’re finally over someone, something, until it’s back in your dream and all those feelings come back to haunt you at 9:30 am when you wake up.

That dream, how perfect it may have seemed, was a nightmare in disguise.

SONG OF THE DAY: “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics. Song has always been a favorite of mine, it felt fitting for this blog post.

Social Media Detox: Day 3

I’m used to not seeing any social media notifications so this morning wasn’t very weird. Again I was bored for about an hour, so instead listened to some music before work. Nothing else to really talk about because I was at work from 10:30-7:15 so I was pretty much busy for the entirety of my day. During my breaks I just wrote future stuff for the blog and texted a few friends. I’m really liking the whole no social media vibe. I don’t miss it, like at all. However I do wonder what I’m missing out on, ya know?

No relapses today, didn’t even watch a YouTube video! But I do have something to tell you guys. The real reason that sparked this social Media Detox. There’s this person in my life that sort of exited my life and I was sick of seeing them on social media. I bring this up because they were on my mind a lot today unfortunately. Rather than block them, I decided to block myself from all social media. It used to be all about them, but recently I’m finding it to be more about me, and how this cleanse is helping me get over them. But also help me in other aspects of life. Tomorrow I have a 7 page essay to start and I think it will be much easier to do without the temptations of social media.

I think I’m going to start doing my daily Detox blogs in groups of days because I’m having trouble coming up with new things to say everyday about the same thing.

That about wraps up my day. I’ll be honest today wasn’t the best day, work was good and all, just felt a little down. I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll feel better.

Song of the Day: “Donatella” by Lady Gaga. This song is very empowering. Makes me feel like going out and strutting across the world.

Social Media Detox: Day 2

So today is thanksgiving and I woke up and went to snapchat my friends wishing them a happy thanksgiving, but I remembered I can’t so I just messaged them instead. Shocker!

Today has been pretty hard because I can’t really go anywhere and do anything so I’m just sort of left to my own devices. It’s sort of isolating, going from knowing what’s going on in everyone’s lives, being able to relate to other people in the world, then to being on your own. I’ll be honest I’m not loving this whole detox, but I think I’m just going through my “withdrawal” period.

I’m also very confused as to whether or not YouTube counts as social media. Like am I allowed to watch a video or is that off limits? Ive decided to keep it off limits for the most part, however I may watch a video here and there if someone brings my attention to it.

I saw another blog talking about finding yourself and to go back to doing things you used to love, which reminded me of the time in my life when I was obsessed with making music videos. I think I’m gonna give it another shot, sounds fun.

When you aren’t consumed by media you do a lot of thinking. Thoughts about my past good and bad would cross my mind often and I’m not sure how i felt about it. In the long run I think it’s therapeutic to come face to face with things in your life you just shoved to the back as a distant memory, but for now I’m over it! I’m normally good with putting unhappy thoughts aside, but not having constant social media has made it harder.

Instead I ended up doing some karaoke with my sister, granted I’m a horrible singer, but it’s still fun. I was gonna keep this to myself, but I opened my iPad and saw a twitter notification about my blog tweet and immediately deleted the apps off of my iPad as well. Oops!

I’ve felt sort of sick all day. I’ve been getting over yet another cold! I’ve just been reading other blogs, feels sort of dumb because it’s basically just a more grammatically correct and meaningful version of Twitter, but oh well.

I’ve been dealing with something and I wrote a blog post about it in my notes app and it really helped me get control and closure. Really liking blogging as an outlet. I feel at peace, i have thoughts running through my head all day and writing really helps you gain control and separate/understand those thoughts.

Also I know my writing is all over the place, I’m just sort of rambling and coming back to my notes throughout the day to add my thoughts.

Okay y’all I have a confession. I downloaded twitter and Facebook for 5 seconds to check something about a friend and deleted them right away. I feel horrible. I had a minor relapse, but it’s okay, it was bound to happen. I promise it’s the LAST time. That’s it for today, goodnight bloggy.

SONG OF THE DAY: “Titanium” – Sia & David Guetta. *Insert clip of me singing this song* This song is just really powerful and makes you feel like you can conquer the world.

Social Media Detox: Day 1

November 22nd:

So I started off by just deleting them all. Didn’t give any goodbyes didn’t tell anyone (except my 3 closest friends), just packed up my bags and left. I wondered at first if anyone would send me something and think I’m ignoring them, but i remembered no one cares that much if I respond to their Snapchat.

It felt liberating and freeing at first however I soon found myself opening my phone to look at Instagram or Twitter and realizing they’re gone. I had to find something else to do. Which is what I’m doing now, blogging. I replaced the spot in my phone that once had all my social media apps with my blog app. It feels nice to write out everything I feel.

Aside from that I started to look into things I’ve always wanted to do, such as taking a dance class, getting into art, and possibly joining a sports league. I want to find myself again, make new friends, and put myself outside of my comfort zone. I realized that there’s a lot of time in the day to do things other than sit on your phone. Whether that’s because of the time change, or in my head, I don’t know.

I watched a movie with my sister, danced to some music with her, and I realized that I’ve sort of been neglecting quality time with my sister since college. We used to be with each other all the time, and it felt good to do some crazy whacky things with her again.

Another big thing I learned is how amazing music really is. I decided to listen to some Lady Gaga albums and it’s cool to just sit and listen, enjoy the music, rather than have it be background noise in another activity. Be warned Lady Gaga is my current obsession because I’m seeing her live in December.

I guess my general consensus at the end of my first day without social media is that I don’t miss it all that much, however I am very accustomed to it. Not being attached to social media all day makes me feel more like a kid again, just hanging around thinking of fun things to do rather than just resort to an app. This first day has made me feel good. UPDATE: I may have cheated and tweeted a link to my blog, don’t be mad I just wanted to put it out there! (Last time I promise)

SONG OF THE DAY: “Million Reasons” by Lady Gaga. I sang some karaoke to this song, and I think it’s message applies to so many things in life.

7 Day Social Media Detox

I got home from a distracted school day and felt kind of down. My life needed a change and I noticed social media was a big factor in consuming my time. A big factor that didn’t necessarily make me happy. Seeing other people’s lives, comparing them to my own, scrolling and scrolling through an endless cycle of tweets, videos, Instagram posts, and Snapchats of people I didn’t know, didn’t care about, and didn’t need to see their lives everyday. The people I truly cared about and truly cared about me would see me and talk to me outside of social media. I want to live in the moment, with the people and things around me. Doing this will hopefully make me more self aware of the people in my life and what they mean to me, while also being able to reflect on the value of my own life. There’s a whole life and a whole bunch of people right in front of me, yet I spend hours a day paying attention to people who aren’t in my life? I have an amazing life, I want to value it and explore it more than I have in my past, my life is important enough to me that I shouldn’t have to share every moment on an app. I’m not saying I want to completely get rid of social media in my life, I just want to come out of this with less reliance on it. Hopefully I’ll have the will power to do it.

SONG OF THE DAY : “MANiCURE” by Lady Gaga. It’s an upbeat fun song and it feels like it takes me away from any problems I may be having.