For I’d say the past month, 80% of my dreams have my ex-boyfriend in them somewhere. Some of them i remember more, with him having an important role, others being less memorable.
Last night the dream was very scattered. A lot was going on, however he was there; and it ended with him ditching me to go on vacation with someone else. There’s always a part in the dream where we reconnect, but it always ends with him ultimately leaving like it happened in real life. Sometimes the dreams are him and I just standing there hugging each other, those ones are the hardest to wake up from. I wake up emotionally exhausted, tired, and sad. Each dream with him makes it feel like salt is being poured in the wound and I have to go through the emotions all over again.
I don’t even know how to explain my feelings. Beneath the sadness is just this empty, heavy-hearted feeling. Like I’m carrying around this cement heart in my body and it’s weighing me down. It’s hard to move on, when I’m seeing him every night in my dreams. I hope either one day the dreams stop and I begin dreaming about someone else; or that the dreams stop because I reach peace with him in real life.
I google “what do these dreams about my ex mean” to try and find answers, but i know the answer. I love him, I miss him, and I want another chance with him. I wish my dreams could get the memo that I already know this; for now let me heal and grow then send him into a dream in 7 months when I am ready to face it.
I wrote a post a while ago and I said something that still sticks; “the happiest dreams are nightmares in disguise”.