Overthinker

When I overthink something, the simplest thing can turn into the end of the world. We all do it, but I do it too much. Especially with relationships.

A simple text response one day can be fine, but on a day where I’m feeling less secure in myself, a simple text turns into me questioning my worth. They don’t care enough about me to put thought into their message, they aren’t into me anymore, they’re getting distant to get rid of me. All of those thoughts creep into my brain and leave me feeling helpless. I feel relieved when I finally speak my peace, but 5 minutes later I realize I’ve made a mistake. I’ve once again overreacted, and said something I don’t mean. Made something out of nothing. And I hate it.

A text on read will ruin my day. Why? rather than realize they’re busy maybe looked at it and decided to respond later, I decide they rolled their eyes and scoffed at how clingy I am. I’m not worth their time, and I don’t need to be responded to. Rather than take a chill pill, I freak out and again question my worth.

The person proves to me over and over again that I’m worth the world, but rather than look back on those moments, I get stuck on the fact that they aren’t proving it to me in that moment of hopelessness. Which is wrong, because you can’t expect that from a person. No one can be smothering you with reassurance all the time, it isn’t fair or healthy. I need to realize that.

A small tiny thing, can cause so much anxiety and stress if it happens on the right day. I’m most vulnerable in the morning where I’m not busy, and just thinking. I need to figure out a game plan for the next time this feeling creeps in. Any ideas? Suggest them in the comments.

This issue of mine will scare away every partner I ever have. I fear so much being abandoned, that I end up being the cause of them leaving me. I hope this person knows I’m working on it, and that I might need them to understand sometimes.

Relationships are hard. You can’t use the quadratic formula to solve a problem, and they aren’t something you can study for. All you can do is learn, work on yourself, and on your relationship. Which is what I’m going to do. You need to first acknowledge your issues before you can improve. Cheers to me realizing I’m a little crazy.

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Hopeless Romantic

I am what I am. I want to meet someone and spend the rest of my life with that person. I’ve never felt the need to explore myself, I’ve done that for 18 years. I don’t want to date multiple people and have one night hookups. I want a lifelong hookup.

People judge me for wanting something serious so young. You’re so young you should be having fun! But what is more fun than spending time with someone who will be by your side forever? You can still have fun and be monogamous.

I wish everyone was like me, it would make things so simple. I fear of being left behind by someone I love because they want to explore and don’t want to settle down. I know I sound crazy, but I want that life long romance they talk about in the movies.

Life is short, and if my true love is out there, I want to be spending every moment with them from the beginning to the end. Whether I meet them tomorrow, in 5 years, or already know them, I’ll be waiting. A hopeless romantic is who I am, and someone I will continue to be.

I hope you are the one I’ve been waiting for.

Anxiety

Anxiety is that feeling where you sort of want to throw up, but you can’t, your mind is all over the place, and you just feel unsettled. It’s not a good feeling.

I’ve never struggled with anxiety, only for a few minutes before a big hockey game, or before a big test. I often just told myself “you’re overreacting, you’ll live” and that would take it away.

But what I’ve just realized is that I have major relationship anxiety. And it’s sucks. Once I fall for someone I start questioning everything, seeking constant reassurance. And I’m so fixated on reassurance that I’m not appreciating the person in front of me.

I stress over whether their feelings are the same, or if they really thought our date was amazing. I go from feeling 100% confident in a person to feeling scared.

These feelings fail me. I focus so much on fearing heartbreak that I can’t focus on falling in love. I’m trying to realize it’s a personal issue and that it’s all in my head, but this anxiety just gets to me. Everything will be okay.

I’m back

I’ve sort of just been neglecting blogging, and I feel bad. I started this blog to get over something and now that I’m over it I’ve found myself sort of uninspired and confused on what to talk about.

I’m going to try and do one blog post everyday. Whether it just been a recap of my day, or a common theme from that day, I’m going to write about it. So are you in or are you out? Follow me if you’re down 🙂

Procrastination:

That word always has a negative connotation. But is it really all that bad? Yes it would be ideal to finish everything a week before the deadline but is it really necessary to finish everything early?

I find that doing something early just wastes more time. Rather than think “I need to get this done in 5 hours it’s crunch time” your brain thinks “I have a week left I can take my time”.

So over time if you work half-ass on something for two hours everyday for a whole week that’s 14 hours. But if you save it for the last day and your brain is prepped to work overtime you only work 7 hours.

Our best work is done under pressure because our brains go into sink or swim. Never have I ever done something last minute and failed. Often those last minute essays always receive A’s. Why? Because my thoughts were more cohesive over one days work rather than a prolonged period of writing.

With that said I am now procrastinating an 8 page research paper and am currently in denial that I have procrastinated. Don’t procrastinate just freaking do it.

Song of the Day: “Tell Me You Love Me” by Demi Lovato. This is awesome and the music video is super sad, plus I’m going to her concert soon and I’m excited.

Acceptance:

When something doesn’t go our way, we live in denial. We keep thinking things will turn around and go right back to the way they were before. But deep down we know that’s not true, but we want to believe it so much that it ends up becoming the truth.

We come up with any other reason or excuse for why something happened in order to deflect from the truth. The truth we so badly don’t want to acknowledge.

But over time you do so much deflecting that the truth sooner or later comes to fruition. We finally accept the truth of the situation and can move on. The faster you accept the truth, the faster you move on and live a better happier life. Acceptance is the key to happiness.

Song of the Day: “Games” by Demi Lovato. This song is super good musically, but the lyrics just make you feel empowered.

Pizza

Pizza is that household staple. Party staple. Life staple. You can’t go wrong with cheese and pepperoni pizza, everyone will eat it, like it, and be happy with it. Unless of course you are vegan, gluten free, dairy, free, or a health freak.

Pizza makes your problems go away for a quick second. The cheese hits the roof of your mouth as the crunchy crust rubs against your tongue. The sauce is just there melding it together. If you go to the right pizza place, it’s perfection in your mouth.

Think back to anytime you’ve been eating pizza. Were you happy? Probably so. According a study pizza is scientifically proven to make you happier 99.6% of the time. Just kidding, but still it makes sense.

Who wouldn’t be happy when stuffing their face with cheesy deliciousness?

As Trisha Paytas would say “boyfriends cheat on you, friends are fake, pizza? Pizza is forever.”

Song of the Day: “Mary Jane Holland” by Lady Gaga. This song is dope.